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Alive

By Rach

DISCLAIMER: Yeah … not mine!
PAIRINGS: Cordy/Wes
DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere wants it, just ask me
SUMMARY: Cordelia realises she needs to visit Wesley.
TIMELINE: Post “The Price”.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: For Topaz, Tonya, and Patrizia. And my Nana, and John Zuk.
RATING: PG-13
FEEDBACK is something I thrive on!

“Cordelia?”

“Hi,” she smiled, nervously. “Can I …?” She gestured into the room, and Wesley stepped aside to let her in. She noticed how dark the room was, and turned to look at Wesley properly. His eyes were bloodshot, and it didn’t take a genius to add up the empty bottles and come up with alcoholic.

“Can I get you a drink?” he asked, his voice noticeably raspier than the last time they’d spoken. He poured something for himself, and she nodded.

“Sure.” Just something to steady her nerves - this wasn’t a conversation she’d ever anticipated needing to have. He handed her a glass, and she took it gratefully, thankful for something else to focus her attention on. He sat down next to her, and she turned to him.

“Wesley,” she sighed, placing the glass down on the floor by her feet. “Wes, I’m worried about you.”

“You’ll be the first.”

“I’m serious, Wesley. This isn’t like you.”

“How would you know what’s ‘like me’? None of you know me at all, and the way I’ve been treated lately proves that.”

“Oh come on, can you blame them? Look at it from Angel’s point of view. You were his friend, and he trusted you. You stole his son.”

“Cordelia, I -“

“Let me finish. I know why you did it, Fred told me all about the prophecy. But you didn’t just tell Angel what had happened, what you’d found out. You went behind his back, and that’s what got him the most. Losing Connor, and losing you, both at the same time.”

Wesley looked over at Cordelia. For the first time since this happened, he was fighting back tears. There was something about Cordelia that always seemed to touch a different part of him, somewhere inside. Something not even Fred could do.

“I thought Angel was playing some kind of sick joke, at first. But he was so devastated … for a whole second, I thought he was getting back at me for going away with Groo and leaving him alone. Getting to me the one way he knew he could.”

“Connor.” Wes whispered.

“No. You.” She sighed again. “I loved Connor, and Angel knew that, but he knew how much I care about you. But when I realised he wasn’t kidding, I felt so guilty for even thinking it that I didn’t dare come over here.” She moved her hand onto Wesley’s knee. “It wasn’t until last night when Fred asked me to talk to Angel about you that I realised I needed to talk to you. I told her I couldn’t ask Angel to forgive you. That he was my number one priority. I think I lied, Wes. You’re my priority.”

“Then why weren’t you here before?” His voice cracked, and the tears began to flow. “When I needed you?”

“Hey! Hey, baby, it’s okay.” She moved closer to him, and pulled him towards her. He curled his head into her chest, and started to cry properly. “Shhh, it’s okay,” she whispered, running a finger down his arm. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here before. I didn’t realise how much you needed me until just now …”

Wesley wiped his eyes and sat up, ashamed of having reacted like that. “I missed you, Cordy. I missed you more than any of the others.”

“More than Fred?”

“I have feelings for Fred, you know I do. But I think … I think I love you, Cordelia. You’re always giving me just enough of yourself to keep me hanging wanting more - whether you mean to or not.” He smiled a little. “That kiss … before graduation … it was a complete disaster, wasn’t it?”

She laughed. “Yeah, it was, kinda.”

“I didn’t like how we left it. I don’t know whether it was embarrassment, or … well, it was probably embarrassment … but I wanted to try again.”

She rolled her eyes. “Me too! I thought you didn’t want to try again …”

“No, I thought you would be too embarrassed - as popular as you were.”

“I could never be ashamed of you,” she whispered. “I think I love you, too. I had fun with Groo, but that was all it was. When we walked through that door, and you weren’t there waiting - I don’t think I realised it would hurt so much.” She turned to face him, and moved her hand from his leg to the side of his face, stroking it gently. He moved face closer to hers, and it seemed to Cordelia like everything was moving in slow motion. She closed her eyes, anticipating the kiss, and it didn’t disappoint. She twisted in her seat, getting comfortable, as she kissed him harder, until she got frustrated with the clothes keeping them apart. She sat on his lap facing him, and within seconds she’d ripped Wes’s shirt open. She was working on his jeans when he suddenly pulled away from her, and grabbed her arms, forcing her to stop.

“Cordelia, are you sure that -“

“I want to do this, Wesley,” she whispered, kissing the side of his neck. He moaned softly, his grip slipping for a second. She took advantage of his lapse, and began undoing her own shirt, throwing it aside. As the kisses moved downward from his neck, he struggled to keep on his train of thought.

“Cordelia …” he groaned, wanting her to stop and yet keep going at the same time. “Angel …”

“Angel has people,” she gasped. “Fred, Gunn, Lorne, they’re all his. I’m yours.”

Wesley’s mind lost all sensible thought at those two small words, and his body relaxed, letting Cordelia kiss and caress wherever she pleased, making him feel more alive than he had in months.

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