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Buried

By Rach

SUMMARY: There’s something Wesley has to do
PAIRING: Mostly Wes/Lilah with some Wes/Fred
TIMELINE: Post Orpheus, but before Cordy comes down the stairs.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. Really, I do. Nothing what-so-ever.
DISTRIBUTION: SU, Double Indemnity, WNW, anywhere else that has my stuff.
FEEDBACK: Yes, please! To rach@satans-toady.net if you want to!

****

Wes rubbed the back of his hand on his forehead as he leant on his shovel, catching his breath. It was fitting that he was doing this at night, really, there would have been something … off … about doing it during the day.

He stood back from the hole that he’d made, and stared at it. He couldn’t quite bring himself to bury her, but it needed to be done.

He’d taken her out of the basement just before sunset, and sneaked off without the others noticing. He’d driven for almost an hour before he reached it. He knew she’d tell him she was being stupid, but he’d always known that if he had to bury any of his loved ones, this was where he’d go. He’d even bought the patch of land specially, which he knew was morbid, but he was just being realistic.

He’d gone so far as to have it written into his will that he wanted to be buried there, should anything happen to him, and he had a letter explaining his wishes hidden in the top drawer of his desk. He knew people would look there, if anything happened to him. At least he hoped they would.

He lifted her out of his car, still wrapped in the plastic he and Gunn had used days ago. He still couldn’t bring himself to think of it as a body, rather than just Lilah. He laid her in the grave, her head wrapped in the plastic with her body. If he didn’t look too closely, he could almost forget what he’d had to do to her.

“Lilah Morgan.” He sighed, the words coming out in a rushed whisper. “Never in a million years would I have expected to the one performing your eulogy.” He crouched, at the edge of her grave. “Our relationship was never exactly romantic, was it?” He smiled a little, remembering the first time he’d called it a relationship. “I know what we had was supposed to be all about pain, and hurt, and forgetting about reality, but it didn’t end up like that. Lilah, I loved you. You showed me a part of myself that I didn’t know was there, and while I could have lived without knowing it, I wouldn’t have been being true to myself.” He stood up. “I’ll mourn you, even though you’d wish I wouldn’t, but I’ll carry on living my life without you around.”

He picked up a rose from the floor by his feet, that he’d bought on the way over. The florist had implied he was planning on getting lucky tonight. If only it was that simple.

He placed the rose gently on top of Lilah, and reached into his pocket. Drawing out his wallet, he removed the signed dollar bill the he’d given her. He didn’t really know why he’d kept it after she left without it; it just felt important. “I believe this is yours,” he whispered, as he dropped it and watched it float into the grave. “Goodbye, Lilah.”

He stared at the grave for a few minutes before making a move for his spade. Scooping up some of the soil, he was about to drop it into the hole when he heard a noise behind him.

“Wesley, wait.”

For a second, he thought it was Lilah. That she was haunting him again, waiting to mock him for being so soppy. But it wasn’t her voice. He turned around, still clutching the spade.

“Fred,” he frowned, confused. “What are you doing here?”

She shrugged, and stepped towards him. “We saw you leave, and I followed you out here in Angel’s car.” Placing a hand on his arm, she smiled a little. “You shouldn’t have to do this alone.”

He shrugged her hand away. “Why not? None of you could stand her, why should you be here?”

“Wesley, we didn’t get along, but she still deserves to be buried.”

“Which is what I’m doing - or trying to.”

“You’re right, I didn’t like her, but Wes, she was important to *you* and you shouldn’t have to go through this alone. Nobody should.” She stepped away from him a little, and shrugged. “I just wanted to be here for you. I don’t want to say anything, or do anything, I just wanted you to let me be here for you.” She turned to head back to the car.

“Fred, wait.”

She looked back towards him.

“I appreciate it.” He reached for the shovel again, which he’d discarded almost without realising it. “Stay.”

She stepped back over to the makeshift graveside, and looked down at Lilah as Wesley covered her up. She stood in silence until the grave was filled, wishing she knew what was going on in Wesley’s mind, but she knew she couldn’t ask.

Placing the shovel back in the open trunk of his car, he stepped back next to the grave.

He reached for Fred’s hand, gripping it tightly for support.

“Goodbye, Lilah.”



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