Giles stared at the envelope in front of him. He knew exactly what it was, so he hadn't a clue why he was looking at it as if it might explode in his face at any second.
"Come on, Giles," he muttered. "Stop acting like one of them."
He wasn't exactly sure when he'd started referring to himself as Giles. 'Rupert' seemed like a different person, these days. Now he was back in England, he was getting used to it again, but it didn't seem like his name any more. He was worried people would think he thought he was James Bond. 'My name? Its Giles ... err, Rupert Giles.'
A sudden burst of confidence ripping through him, he tore open the envelope and slipped out the cream coloured sheet of paper.
"'Giles,'" he read. Even written down, he was hardly ever a Rupert. He recognised Anya's handwriting where his name had been filled in the space at the top. "You are cordially invited to the wedding of Anya Emerson and Alexander Harris.'"
He wasn't sure what the lump in his throat was there for. It seemed to appear these days, whenever he thought of Anya and Xander together. Which was funny, in a way, because he really was happy for them. Anya was a fantastic girl - gorgeous, funny, and sweet in her own way. And Xander was ... well, Xander.
And if he had to spend one more second trying to convince himself he hadn't fallen for Anya, he might well scream.
He wasn't sure when he'd first realised it. The last few months had been somewhat of a blur, and besides, he reminded himself, he was trying not to think about it.
****
He hadn't realised she felt so strongly about it.
"Are you mad at me?" She'd said. That had surprised him. Mad? Why should he be mad?
"Mad? No! I'm ... I'm ..." Her response had flustered him.
"Well then why are you torturing me? You know, I used to punish people like this when I was a demon." Giles had rolled his eyes and choked back a laugh. No matter how long he'd known Anya, her 'when I was a demon' stories always amused him. Partly because she seemed to be able to work them into anything. "I made them double-check spreadsheets for all eternity," she'd continued.
"I'm
sorry if you resent my authority, but I won't feel comfortable leaving here until
I know that absolutely everything -" He remembered being interrupted as Anya
launched herself at the desk, grabbing at a small statue.
"You're taking
the Ramadan effigy?!"
He'd rolled his eyes again. "It's not inventory. It's my personal collection." He reached over to grab the statue back, and suppressed another laugh as she pouted.
"Oh, huh. Aren't you Mister Dicey Semantics. So, what, you think you can just take anything you want?" She grabbed the statue back. He'd known a simple 'right, then, I won't go at all' would have settled the issue in a split second, and yet he'd continued to let her dominate.
He remembered leaning over to grab it back, but she wasn't letting go. He pulled it to him, and she pulled it straight back again.
"Give it!" She'd yelled.
"No, you give it," he spat, his mind fully lodged in childish behaviour mode.
Then she'd started to hit him with her free hand, and he'd started yelling 'ow' repeatedly. And then he heard Xander.
"Okay, when *I'm* marvelling at the immaturity ... be scared."
And at the time he'd just felt embarrassed for engaging in such a childish fist fight. But thinking back, he'd noticed the way Xander was staring at him. It wasn't an angry stare ... it was more as if he shouldn't be enjoying himself at all. He was apparently supposed to grieve for Buffy every hour of every day ... well tough. he'd been doing that for months, and he couldn't do it any more.
"Anya, Giles is gonna leave the store to you when he goes. What more do you want?" Giles had blushed slightly, hoping nobody would notice. He'd known what buttons to push, and he'd still let Anya carry on, goading him, and getting herself worked up.
"I'm not *leaving* the store to anyone. I'm going to England. I'm not dead, I'm still a partner."
Anya had let go of the statue then, and he'd placed it back on the desk, feeling pleased with himself.
"Silent oversees partner." Anya's sullen tone had made yet another snort of laughter find its way to his mouth. He'd known even then that she was the one thing he was going to miss the most - because she said whatever was on her mind, and though it was often embarrassing, it was refreshing to have someone who didn't tip-toe around you. In some ways she reminded him of Cordelia, although much more bearable. He'd given her a tentative smile, and she'd returned it sarcastically. But he hadn't minded. He'd watched for a while as she and Xander talked, and then returned to his paperwork. She loved the shop - he'd known he was leaving it in good hands, or he would have sold it off before he left - what did a few missing dollars from months ago matter?
****
Maybe that was when it started. Maybe it was before. But almost as soon as he got back to England, part of him wished he hadn't left, and it was a large part. He didn't know many people, and it was like starting all over again, like he'd had to do when he moved to Sunnydale in the first place. Those few mornings before Willow called and he'd returned to the US, he woke up wanting to be able to walk into the Magic Box, smile at Anya, and know he'd get one back.
He put the invitation back down on the table. He'd deal with it later.
****
"What if it got lost in the post?"
"Anya, we only just sent them out. Give it a couple more days before you sent out for the troops, okay?"
"But -"
"Honey! He'll call. If he doesn't call soon, we can call him. It's not like it's the end of the world if he doesn't get it."
"I just want him to be there. He's part of ... I mean, he was the one who made me human in the first place. So I guess it's fitting that he's there on the day when I prove I've accepted this life, right?"
Xander smiled. "He'll be there. If I have to fly over to England myself and drag him back with me, I will. Okay?"
"Okay."
"I want him there as much as you do. I guess it's just still weird that he isn't around any more, ready to walk in whenever we need him. I keep forgetting I need to think about time differences, and how long it'll take for the mail to arrive, and all sorts of little things." He picked his jacket up from the hook on the door, bending down to kiss her on the forehead before he left. "See you tonight."
"Bye." She whispered after him, but he was already gone. She hardly even noticed, her mind was in England with Giles. When he was at the airport, about to board his plane, and she'd hugged him ... it was a strange feeling. She watched him walk through the gate, thinking, 'he doesn't even know we're engaged.' She'd known everyone else was thinking about *the* spell, and she knew it was obviously important, but she thought they were being unfair. Giles had been such a big part of their lives for so many years - hers less than the others, which made it worse that she was the one to notice - and they weren't even bothered that he was going, and he might never be back.
That was a point of view she hadn't considered when she'd been telling him to go, that she wanted the shop for herself. She'd just been thinking about her own gain, and for maybe a minute after he left, she was having to try so hard to make sure she didn't go running through that gate after him, and drag him back.
When she'd watched the plane fly overhead, it had felt weird. Like a part of her was missing. That feeling, that she mightn't see him again ... she didn't think he'd be back in less than a week.
****
He'd walked in the door, and she'd known, even before she turned around, what she was going to see. The others had acted as if it was some miracle, but they'd known he was coming. They called him, for crying out loud. As if they hadn't expected him to come straight back the second he heard. Buffy was *alive*. It wasn't really something that you could call and tell someone, and finish the conversation with "but don't bother coming, it's not like you've never seen her before. Bye!"
So she didn't understand why they all looked so shocked. Buffy, maybe. But not the others. She was happy to see him. Jealous, even, when Buffy was the one he went to first. Well, obviously it was going to be her. But still, something inside her was jealous, and she didn't understand why.
She tapped her fingers incessantly on the table until he came back out. She'd leapt at him the second he came through the door from the training room, and clamped her arms around his neck. She was pleased to see he was smiling.
"We're so glad to see you. We missed you." She looked at him, squinting slightly, a thought suddenly popping into her head. "You can't have the store back."
He laughed. "I know."
"You signed papers."
She could see the others grimacing, but not Giles - he'd just carried on smiling. He looked younger when he smiled.
"I did." He looked over at the others. "And, do we have information on this new demon that I suddenly find so desperately interesting?"
He pushed her out of the way slightly, but she didn't mind. She knew she'd have a chance to talk to him properly later. He wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.
***
Anya reached over for her cup of tea, but it had gone cold. Sighing, she headed to the sink, and tipped it away. She looked at her watch, and decided with a slight smile that it wouldn't be too early in England for a phone call.
She drummed her fingers on the table as the call connected. It was ringing, and ringing ... and ringing ... she was a split second away from hanging up when there was a click on the other end, followed by a yawn.
"Hello?" Another yawn.
"Giles?"
"Buffy? Is something wrong?"
She sighed impatiently, a little hurt. "It's Anya."
"Oh, Anya, I'm sorry!"
"I thought you weren't there. I almost hung up."
"I was asleep ... is something wrong?"
"Are you coming to the wedding?"
Well, that was Anya. Straight to the point. Plus considering the cost of an international call, she probably didn't want to talk for long. Wouldn't want to waste her money on him.
"I ... uh ... " He hadn't really formulated any excuse for not going. He just knew he didn't want to, and as if he didn't already feel bad enough about that, he had to make up a reason for it on the spur of the moment? "I don't know."
"What do you mean, you don't know? This is my wedding, Giles. You gotta come. I won't take no for an answer."
"Well it all rather depends on - "
"Whatever it depends on, get out of it. Un-depend on it."
Giles laughed. "I'll see what I can do."
"I'll see you at the wedding. Bye!"
"Wait!"
Anya heard the voice spring from the ear piece as she started to hang up, and
pulled it back to her ear.
"What is it, Giles? Chop chop, these international
calls don't come cheap you know!"
He laughed again. "I know. Just ... phone whenever you like. It's fine by me. I miss knowing what's going on with all of you - so ... just call."
Anya smiled to herself, and gripped the receiver a little tighter as if it brought him closer or something. "I will."
****
"We're getting married." Three words that had shocked the whole group. Three words none of them had been expecting to hear from Xander's mouth - and as Giles remembered studying the look on Anya's face, she seemed as surprised as any of them.
"I ... I thought you were waiting for the right moment," she'd murmured, smiling a little, to mask the shock.
"I did." Giles had almost vomited at their lovey-dovey actions. This is exactly the kind of thing he would turn off the TV with a groan, even if he pissed off other people who were actually trying to watch it. He was used to Anya's bluntness, and the couple's none too private displays of affection, but this was one step too far. As the news slowly sank in, the others had headed to congratulate the couple.
Buffy had sidled over to him in the confusion. "Did you know about this?"
He remembered shaking his head, squinting back at the pair and then deciding that removing his glasses would be the safest way to deal with his urge to regurgitate his lunch. "No. Unless I blocked it from my memory, much as I will Xander's vigorous use of his tongue."
Maybe that had been when he'd started to fall. That had been the first time he'd had that gut feeling that he actually wanted Anya for himself. She was the only one of them that didn't seem like one of the kids, maybe it was because she'd been around so long.
His "not thinking about it" policy didn't seem to be working very well. He needed to get out of there. Shoving his cup in the sink, he pulled his coat down from the rack, and headed out of the door.
****
Anya had wondered when he'd decided to leave again. As much as she'd protested about his return, she still hadn't wanted him to leave. She liked how he talked to her, and she knew he trusted her. He was a good friend, and sometimes she didn't think Xander gave her that. Sometimes Xander was harsh with her, and he was very often patronising - Giles wasn't. Of course, it was still Xander she was marrying, and she knew she loved him.
But sometimes, just sometimes, she wondered what it might have been like if things had turned out differently.
Which she knew was partly why she'd felt so comfortable with Giles when the whole amnesia thing happened. It was something she'd thought about before. And something, as an engaged woman, she shouldn't think about again.
She sighed, and moved from the sofa to the floor, and started shuffling pieces of paper round on the table. Maybe she could get the seating plan done by the time Xander came home ...
****
"Don't leave me." His heart had almost broken when
he heard the sadness in her voice.
"Oh, Anya." I'll never leave you,
he'd wanted to add. But he couldn't, because he didn't know that. He barely even
knew who he was, so who was he to go round making promises he couldn't be sure
he'd keep. All he knew, at that precise moment, was that any man would be crazy
to abandon this woman.
So he'd kissed her. Thinking back on it, Giles cringed. Not for kissing Anya ... that part was a fond memory, although he'd never admit it to Xander ... more the way he'd treated her afterwards. The spell had broken mid-kiss, and he'd seen shock in her eyes - a look he was sure was mirrored in his own. And he just ... let go. The pair of them jumped apart as if they'd been hit by lightning ... and set about tidying the shop. Giles hadn't lasted long. He'd made his excuses and left, heading for the airport, not even bothering to stop at Buffy's for his things. He didn't have a lot with him, and he knew Willow and Tara would be wanting some space ... so he just left.
He hadn't heard from Anya for a long time after that. He missed talking to her, but he just couldn't bring himself to call. She made the first move, in the end. Just one simple phone call to see how he was doing, and it was over, painlessly, in five minutes. He felt a fool for being so worried about it. He never asked her if she'd told Xander about the kiss. He never even brought the subject up, in case his voice betrayed his own feelings. He felt like slapping himself for acting like such a schoolchild.
****
Dear Anya & Xander,
Thank you for the invitation to your wedding. Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond my control, I shall be unable to attend on the day. I wish you both the best of luck, and I hope you'll be as happy together as I know you deserve to be.
Xander, you've got a gem there. Don't let her go.
With love,
Giles