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Fake

By Rach

DISCLAIMER: Not mine … you know the drill!
SUMMARY: Too short for a summary … Lilah does some thinking!
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: Post 'Slouching Towards Bethlehem'
DISTRIBUTION: SU & Satan's Toady - anyone else, ask!
DEDICATION: For all of the W/L shippers at SU :)

Lilah lay next to Wesley, staring up at the ceiling. For once, he'd fallen asleep first. She ran her fingernails back and forth across Wesley's back. Her long, fake fingernails. Most of Lilah's life came down to that one word, in the end. Fake. Her fake nails and eyelashes. Her fake enthusiasm for most parts of her job. Her fake orgasms.

Everything was fake - all of it.

Until it came to Wesley. She wasn't saying there wasn't a degree of pretence to their relationship, because they both knew there was. But maybe there was a bit of genuine affection in there too.

If it were fake, she wouldn't still be there. If it were just for the sex, she'd have left hours ago, instead of lying in Wesley's bed feeling sorry for herself. She wouldn't have asked Wesley about his day when she arrived, and he wouldn't have listened to her talk about hers.

If it were fake, she wouldn't have felt the warm glow inside when he referred to what they were doing as a relationship. She'd never felt that kind of joy before - usually when guys used the 'r' word, that was it. Their time was up, thanks but no thanks.

If it were fake, she wouldn't care about his crush on Fred, or his helping out Angel. She was jealous that he wasn't completely on her side, ignoring the fact that she knew she wasn't completely on his, either.

She knew that when she left his apartment later, she'd already be thinking about the next time she'd be there, and what they'd be doing. What she could do differently, what he'd enjoy, and if he'd miss her.

That one was the thing she asked herself the most. Did he miss her when she wasn't there? Did he think about her as much as she tried to stop herself thinking about him?

She knew it couldn't be totally fake. She finally had one thing in her life that was real - and it was the one thing she could have put money on never happening.

So she'd go back to her fake life with fake enthusiasm. And she knew that when it ended - and it would end - between her and Wesley, she'd put on the same front she always did, and claim she never loved him anyway.

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