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Love Hurts

By Rach

They say love hurts, right? Who exactly is this "they"? Who decided that love had to hurt, because I want to go right up to them and wring their neck? Supposing that they have necks, that is.

See, the way I figure it, love's a good thing. So nothing about it should hurt, it should all be flowers and roses and what have you. But it never quite works out like that.

The first guy I fell in love with was named Peter. He was tall, and smart, and good looking - and he wanted me. Not any of the pretty girls, not a cheerleader, or one of the popular crowd. And I thought it was going to last forever, but your first love never does, does it? That's another one of those dumb clichés. I graduated a year early and left for LA, while Peter was still at high school in Texas. We said we'd write, but we both knew it wouldn't last.

My first few months in LA, there were a couple of guys I was interested in, but I was still hurting inside. 'You never get over your first love.' I'd write that one off, too - except it's true. I'll always have a soft spot for Peter until the day I die. It's just one of those things that you know in your gut, without any rational explanation.

When I got back, I wondered if maybe Angel would be the next 'one'. But I knew early on - even before he or Cordy spoke to me about it - that it was never going to happen. I guess I just still needed someone to cling on to.

I love Charles. I really do. But I can tell we're breaking up and I'm not making enough effort to stop it from happening. I think our relationship has run it's course, and pushing things any further would just end up hurting both of us more.

Wesley. I don't even know where to begin with Wes. He always treated the way a boyfriend should treat his girl - there's something in the way he looks at me and protects me that's more than is right between colleagues. And I always knew it.

Charles asked me, the morning after we first kissed, and I lied through my teeth.

"You know, until that kiss, I would have thought there was something goin' on between you and Wes."

"Me and Wes?" I'd tried to look shocked. "We're just friends."

Liar, my brain was yelling. LIAR.

And now Wes is sleeping with Lilah - or was, whatever. It *hurts* so much. I'm still in a relationship with Charles, and I can't believe that I'm so jealous of that evil bitch. All I can think is what it would be like to have him for myself, screw what the others think.

I know he knows. I know Charles knows. Everyone knows everything, but *nobody* will talk about anything. It's dumb, and I hate it - but it's just the way life goes.

So I guess, whether you're meant to be together, or whether you're the most mismatched couple in history, it's always the same story. Love hurts.

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