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Ready

By Rach

Pairing: Cordy/Doyle
Summary: Cordelia wants to know why it happened this way.
Timeline/Spoilers: Post You’re Welcome – VERY spoilery!
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. I don’t even own the flat I’m in or the kitchen floor that earlier tonight was covered in crushed cereal and popcorn. Not that I’m bitter.
AN: This just came to me while re-watching You’re Welcome and I wrote it quite quickly.

Cordelia leant on the balcony with a sigh. “It’s just … not fair, y’know?”

“I know.” Doyle stepped up beside her and handed her a tissue. “Believe me, Princess, I know.”

Dabbing at her eyes with the tissue, Cordy sighed again. “I miss them all so much already.” She turned to Doyle. “Does it get easier?”

He smiled sadly. “If I said yes, I’d be lying.” He rested his hand on hers. “But you did some good work down there. God knows I couldn’t have done it.”

“Doyle, you sacrificed your life and had your skin burned off. I think you could have handled a little advice-giving.”

“It’s not that easy, Cordelia. You went back down there, knowing that at the end of the day, you’d have to give it all up. You put on a damn good show, and I’m proud of you for it.”

As they watched over the balcony, Angel walked into the bar where the others were, his face tear-stained. As they spotted Angel, one at a time they stopped laughing and smiling, and turned to Angel. Wesley returned from the bar with a tray full of drinks and after he’d set them down, they saw Angel start to talk. Wesley’s hand flew to his mouth, his knees buckling slightly as he sat down on the arm of the nearest chair. Fred had the opposite reaction, standing up and violently shaking her head disbelievingly. She looked close to fleeing the bar until Lorne stood up and wrapped her in a hug, stroking her hair as she sobbed into his shoulder. Gunn stood and gave Angel a quick hug, patting him on the back, while Harmony just stared ahead in shock, silent for once.

“So that’s it. It’s really over.” Cordelia’s voice shook.

Doyle nodded. “The end of the road.” He turned to face her and nodded his head towards the scene below. “You know, watching them makes it worse.”

“I just … I’m not ready to let go.”

He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer, as she rested her head on his shoulder. “Nobody ever is.”

She smiled. “He never forgot you, y’know. Even with his big move to Evil Inc, he still has that tape.”

Doyle frowned. “What tape?”

“The Angel Investigations ad you did for me the day you-“

“Cordelia!” he exclaimed. “You promised me you’d destroy that!”

“And you believed me? That ad was comedy gold, Doyle – even if it wasn’t ever going to make it to air. Plus, it had sentimental value.”

They both fell silent for a few minutes before Doyle spoke again. “I really liked what you said down there. All that stuff about the good fight. I mean, it was all plagiarised, but very well done,” he laughed, and then quietened down again.

“You heard all of that? I thought there was a strictly viewing only policy.”

“Princess, they pulled a hell of a lot of strings to get you back down there. They figured a couple more exceptions couldn’t hurt too much.”

She glanced back down below. Fred was now bending down by Harmony’s feet, evidently trying to get the secretary to say something but with little success. Lorne, Gunn, Wes and Angel were standing in a circle in silence. It had been hard enough for her going back there, and she’d known all along. It must be killing them. All those months she’d been in a coma, they’d gotten used to her not being around. Just when they got her back, she’d been taken away again.

“At least now we all have some closure. That’s it, I’m … dead.”

Doyle raised an eyebrow and smiled, sadly. “First time you’ve said it out loud?”

She nodded. “Do you think this was my destiny from the beginning? To give birth to a higher power that was so all-powerful its dead now and nobody even remembers how it happened. And for Angel to be working for – sorry, running – Wolfram & Hart … it’s just … not the way everything’s supposed to be, surely?”

“Destinies change, Princess. Sure, there are prophecies that foretell certain events, but they’re always vague enough that if things turn out different, they can still come true.”

“So you’re saying something I *did* changed my destiny to be this way? Because if you are, that’s the most stupid thing I’ve ever heard, Doyle. I have been working my ass off for the last four years fighting for the side of good, and I end up first evil, and now dead? How is *that* fair?”

Doyle sighed. “Nobody said anything was fair. Nothing ever happens because it’s fair. Do you think I like to believe that my destiny was to die the way I did? Because I don’t know if this would have occurred to you, but the way I went out? Painful. Not in any way ‘fair’.”

“I carried evil round inside my skin for half a year, how’s *that* for fair?!” She exclaimed, and then sighed. “I just don’t understand why it had to be me.”

“Because it had to be someone, and it had to be someone close to Angel, or it wouldn’t work. You had to really affect him, deep down inside.”

“But did I really have to *die*?”

“Cordelia,” he grabbed her by the wrists and turned her away from the scene below. “I know it’s not fair. It’s a whole world of not fair, Princess, but if you spend the rest of eternity trying to figure out what went wrong and why you’re here, you’re going to go insane.”

“You got tougher.” She smiled.

He shrugged his shoulders with a smirk. “Death can do that to you. Now, come on. Its *dull* up here, Princess! Why don’t you come and help me shake things up a bit? Put some of the ‘heavy’ back into heaven?”

Cordelia snorted and screwed her face up. “Doyle, there’s no ‘y’ in heaven. And even if there was … that doesn’t make any sense!”

He laughed. “I know, but I’m thinking on my feet here!” Slipping his arm through hers, he pulled her away from the balcony. “Are you ready?”

Casting a last glance back down below, she watched as everyone raised a glass in the air, and she was almost certain she heard them toast “to Cordelia”.

Turning away from the balcony, she strode forward with Doyle, a sad smile on her face. “I’m ready.”

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