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Subconscious

By Rach

Rating: PG
Disclaimer: You know, if I owned all this stuff, I’d be spending my millions on creating a miracle cold cure. I really would.
Author’s Notes: For the Dream Ficathon – not beta’d, and written in a flu-ey state, so if any of this makes no sense at all, I apologise SO much! Also it’s my first attempt at Spike/Dawn, so, yes, hope you like!
Dedication: For narnian_nymph, who wanted Spike/Dawn romance with the words, "You stopped me from being love's bitch", and the ocean at full moon

Dawn gazed out to sea as the breeze ruffled her hair. It had been a big day – after the biggest almost-apocalypse they’d had yet, they’d driven away from the giant crater that Sunnydale had become and just carried on for hours. Nobody really knew where they were heading; if they were honest, nobody even knew where they were, nor did anybody care.

It was hours before they even contemplated stopping for anything. Faith had spotted the ocean, and roused herself enough to demand they stop so that she could go for a swim to loosen off. She was probably planning on going nude, Dawn mused. There weren’t any objections; nobody had the strength to object even if they’d wanted to. As Giles parked up, Dawn and Faith were the only ones that made any move to get off the bus. Faith walked fast, and picked up speed, disappearing from Dawn’s eyeline within minutes.

Nobody was talking, back on the bus, but the silence had been deafening to Dawn. She needed to get out there, out into the fresh air. Spike was gone. This was big news to digest, especially so soon after averting an apocalypse. Buffy had told her what had happened at the end in as few words as possible, clamming up afterwards and saying nothing for the rest of their journey.

The breeze was getting stronger now, as Dawn sat on the beach, legs drawn up to her chest and her arms curled around them. She wasn’t cold, though; she was just numb.

“You should have a jacket on,” Spike’s voice came from behind her.

“I’m not cold,” she snapped. Great, she thought. That’s all I need right now; to go insane, on top of everything else. She glanced behind her, where the voice had come from, to prove to herself that Spike wasn’t there at all.

“Alright, Nibblet.” Spike walked out in front of her, cigarette in hand, as if nothing had changed. “What, expecting to see a charred corpse behind you? A talking pile of ash? You should know I don’t give up that easily, pet.”

“But … Buffy said …”

“That I was gone? Yeah, well, that’s how it looked at the time. To both of us. Looks like I’m on my way back, though.”

“On your way? You look like the journey is pretty completed, to me.”

“Come on, Dawn. None of this is real, you know that. Doesn’t make the concept disappear, though.”

“Huh?”

“Don’t really know myself, to be honest. Words aren’t mine, they’re just tripping out of my mouth with no regard for what I’m wanting to say.”

“You’d think if some kind of higher power was controlling what you were saying, they’d have it make some semblance of … well, sense.”

Spike cocked his head to the side. “You would, wouldn’t you?” Shrugging, he smiled a bit. “I s’pose everything will be explained, eventually.”

“I wonder…”

“What?”

“Well, I wonder why they sent you into my dream, rather than Buffy’s, or Willow’s, or … well, anyone else’s. Apart from Xander’s, I could see why they wouldn’t do that.”

“Nibblet, you know the answer to that one without even thinking. A very wise man once told Buffy – that would be me, by the way – that it doesn’t matter if you’re love’s bitch, if you can admit it. But you … you kept me grounded when I could have gone insane, Dawnie. When Buffy died, I got much closer to you than I think anyone realised, least of all you or me. You stopped me from being love’s bitch. I don’t take crap from anyone, never have, never will. But this whole love, destiny, fate thing … it don’t work like that. We choose who we love. Love doesn’t choose it for us. And I chose you, a long while back. I just didn’t realise it ‘til now.”

Dawn stared back out to the ocean, where the moon sparkled over the ripples. She was hearing Spike’s words, and yet she couldn’t take them in properly. She was dreaming, she knew that much – it was just a case of figuring out if it were one of those subconscious ones that are really true, even though you’re dreaming, or one of those crazy fake ones where you think you’ve met Brad Pitt, and you wake up thinking you have and then you cry for an hour when you realise that it didn’t really happen. Instead of even contemplating this right now, she just changed the subject. She had a feeling she’d have plenty of time to think about the whole thing later. “If this is a dream, how come it’s not daytime? You’d think they’d at least let you see some sunlight in a dream.”

As if on cue, the brilliant white full moon slid out of the sky, and was replaced by the sun, beating down on the beach, on Dawn, and on Spike.

“Well, that was … weird.” Dawn laughed, before glancing up at Spike. His face was contorted in pain and he held his hand out in front of him.

Her own hand flew to her mouth as she realised what was happening. He was burning, he was going to turn to dust and she was going to be there, able to do nothing but watch. There was no cover anywhere around, no blankets, no buildings, not even any walls to hide behind.

Spike smiled as he realised her terror. “Don’t worry, Dawnie,” his grin beginning to look sinister as he smiled through his pain. “Doesn’t hurt nearly as much the second time.”

Dawn jolted from her sleep as a cell phone ringing pierced her dream. Looking around her, confused, she was back on the bus. The sun was just beginning to rise, and they were parked up somewhere. People started to wake as the phone continued to ring. Willow reached over and pulled the phone from Buffy’s pocket, glancing at the caller ID and frowning before answering for her.

“Buffy’s phone, Willow speaking.” Her frown grew deeper as she listened to the caller, uttering a few ‘yeah’s and one or two ‘uh-huh’s before hanging up. Looking around her, she noticed Dawn staring intently at her, whilst everyone else had begun to doze off again.

“That was Angel,” she whispered, trying not to wake the others. “He said the strangest thing … apparently Spike is back.”



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