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Understanding

By Rach

Wesley was fussing, as usual. Everything had to be perfect. Of course, he had the right to be picky - it was his wedding day after all - but still, sometimes he needed to relax.

"Wesley; calm down!" Angel sighed, exasperated. He wondered if Cordy was having this much trouble with Fred.

"Yo, man, the guests are arriving." Gunn popped his head around the door, gave Wesley a thumbs up, and then went back to his ushering duties.

"Oh, God." Wesley started to wring his hands together again. "Angel, this is all going to go horribly wrong, I can feel it."

"Wesley." Angel grabbed his friend by the shoulders and pushed him down onto the bed. "What could possibly go wrong? You've checked everything at least three times, Fred's parents flew in yesterday, your mom's on her way now, the flowers are just right, you're ready and dressed; everything is going to be perfect!"

"What if she changes her mind?"

"Oh, for God's sake, Wesley. If she changes her mind, I'll eat my hat."

"You're not wearing a hat."

"I'll find one."

Gunn entered again. "Are you good to go, English?"

"About as ready as I'll ever be."

"Good, coz I think they're ready for you out here."

The walk from the hotel room seemed like the longest of his life. Down the stairs, along the corridor, down the aisle. They'd chosen to marry in a hotel, rather than a church. There was less to organise, and it was less expensive - apart from which, they didn't have enough guests to even half-fill a church. They wanted a small, simple ceremony. Fred's parents. Wesley's mother and uncle. Angel, Cordy and Gunn. Giles, seeing as he was in the country. They were going to have a blessing once they arrived back in America, for the people that couldn't attend. Fred's aunts and uncles, some people from Sunnydale. And a hotel was the best they could do for the Christmas Eve wedding Fred had her heart set on; everywhere else was booked out long in advance. England was cold this time of year - more so than the rest of the year, anyway - but Fred had wanted to marry here, and Wesley had realised it would be a great opportunity to blow away any of the cobwebs he had left about this place. Especially now his father was gone, he had nothing to be afraid of.

Standing at the front of the room, by the altar, Wesley surveyed the room. Angel was right, everything *was* perfect. His nerves started to calm slightly as he looked around the room. Everything was going to be fine.

Until the music started. The first few chords of "Here Comes the Bride" rung out and he was away again, fidgeting for England. The guests stood and turned to face the back, eager for a glimpse of the bride. Wesley waited for Fred to appear. She wasn't going to show, he was sure of it. But then she did. Seconds before he had a nervous breakdown, she appeared through the curtain at the back of the room. She was a vision to behold, the long white dress flowing to her ankles, bouquet of white flowers amongst the green leaves, and her curly brown hair held back by a single white rose.

Wesley gasped when he saw her. Every time he thought she couldn't get any lovelier, she surprised him. She flashed him one of her dazzling smiles, and rearranged her grip on her father's arm. Cordelia also looked wonderful, in a dress of a similar style, but this one pale blue, following the bride down the aisle.

Fred reached the front, and kissed her father. Then she turned to Wesley.

"Fancy seeing you here," she whispered, with a smile.

"You look amazing."

"You don't look so bad yourself." He smiled at her, and then they both turned their attention to the front.

It was a simple, traditional service. Everything went without a hitch. Wesley held his breath as the priest asked if anyone knew of any reason they should not be married, but no-one spoke up. Angel didn't forget the rings; the mother of the bride cried; Cordelia cried. It all went as planned. An hour later, Fred had become Mrs Winifred Wyndham-Pryce.

The chairs that had been set up for the wedding were quickly rearranged around tables, and lunch was served. The food was gorgeous, but Wesley hardly noticed - he couldn't take his eyes off the woman next to him. His wife. No matter how many times he said or thought these two little words, they didn't lose any of their sparkle.

Angel had agreed not to make a speech - partly for his own benefit, and partly for Wesley's. He didn't want to make a fool of himself in front of these people, and besides - what was the point of him making a speech when he was one of only a handful of guests. So that tradition out of the way, they moved swiftly along to the next - the first dance. They had decided not to hire any kind of disco for so few guests, but the hotel was holding a Christmas disco that they all attended instead. The DJ invited Wesley and Fred to take the first dance, and Wesley finally got to hold Fred in his arms for the first time as his wife. It felt fantastic.

Giles tried to slip away without being spotted, but to no avail. Wesley caught up with him just outside the main doors.

"Leaving already?"

"I'm afraid so - I've got a busy day tomorrow, need that sleep." He smiled. "Nice to see you happy, Wesley. From what I've seen of Fred she's a stunning girl."

"Thank you." Wesley appreciated the elder man's compliment. There was an awkward silence when neither knew what to do - should they hug? They weren't *that* close after all.

"Well ... ah ... bye then." Giles shook Wesley's hand, and then he was gone.

By eleven o'clock, the remaining guests had left, so the newlyweds retreated to their room to be alone at last. The second the door was closed, Wesley pushed Fred against it, and kissed her tenderly and lovingly. His hands moved down the back of her dress, grasping the zip.

"You know," he whispered seductively, "you look absolutely breathtaking in that dress…"

"But?"

"But you have no idea how much I've been looking forward to taking it off you."

Fred giggled, but wriggled uncomfortably in the doorway. Wesley pulled away.

"Fred, is something wrong?" He rubbed her shoulders. "You're very tense."

"No, nothings 'wrong', as such..." she took his hand and led him over to the bed. "Wesley," she took a deep breath. "You know, in the Catholic church, marriage is understood to be sacred, and it's all about agreeing to share absolutely everything with the other person, and there's a whole section about babies, I'm sure of it, but anyway, you see, Wesley, I'm pregnant." The last three words came out in a rush, and Wesley almost missed them. Almost, but not quite. The stunned look on his face said it all. His hand dropped limply away from her knee, where it had been resting. She looked at him and smiled hopefully. "Happy Christmas?"

His mind became very blank and yet very full of thoughts at the exact same instant. He felt joy wash over him, and then it was replaced by a sudden feeling of terror. He tried to thing of something to say, but only gibberish was coming out of his mouth.

"You're … I see … well … but we haven't even discussed … do you think we're ready for …" he stopped, and tried to collect his thoughts. With some difficulty, he managed to stop saying a number of sentences at once, and pulled the words together into one. "I need some air."

"Shall we go for a walk?"

"It's okay, you stay here … rest … I'll not be long." He kissed her gently on the forehead, before picking up his jacket and walking dazedly out of the room. Wesley reached the ground floor of the hotel, still with no idea where he was going, until he spotted the hotel bar. He wandered towards it, and sat himself down on a stool. One drink to steady his nerves, and then he'd go back and talk to Fred.

"What can I get you?"

"Whisky, please." The bartender delivered, and Wesley drank it down in one gulp, slamming the glass down on the bar. His determination of seconds ago was gone. "Another, please." He knocked back drink after drink for the next half hour, trying to get his thoughts together while he sat there, but instead only succeeding to slur them into even more nonsense.

"Wesley, Fred's worried about you." Wesley looked up, his eyes bloodshot, and tried hard to focus on the figure that had appeared beside him.

"Gunn?" This made Angel frown.

"Whoa-kay, I think you've had enough, don't you?" He turned to the bartender. "Has he paid you for all this?"

"It's all on the bill."

"Thanks." Angel helped Wesley to the bottom of the stairs, before he realised that the Englishman was too far gone to support his own weight. He slowly lifted him up, and carried him to Angel's own room, instead of his and Fred's. He dumped Wesley on the bed once he got in the door, and lifted the phone.

"Fred? He's here with me, he's fine. Is Cordy still there with you? Good. I'll bring him over as soon as I can. Don't worry." Angel sighed as he replaced the receiver. The poor girl was devastated. She hadn't told him what had caused Wesley to go off like that, but he knew Wesley - it must have been something major for him to react like that.

He decided to sit and wait until Wesley woke himself up a little more before trying to find out what had happened. As it turned out, he didn't have long to wait, as moments later Wesley was rushing to the bathroom to throw up.

He emerged ten minutes later, looking flushed and ill, but seemingly more sober. "Ah … Angel. Thank you. I'd best be getting back-" his hand on the door handle, Angel stopped him.

"Oh no you don't. Not until you tell me what's so awful that it's made you do this."

Wesley sighed. When Angel got that determined look, there was no point arguing.

"Fred's pregnant." Angel's eyes widened.

"And that's a bad thing? Wesley, I should be congratulating you, not helping to keep you upright!"

He sighed again. "I know, Angel. And I am happy, something in me is ecstatic, but ... something in me isn't. What if I'm not a good father, Angel? What if I turn out like my own?"

"Okay, stop right there. There is no way that's going to happen - your Dad was a monster of the worst kind - the *human* kind. You fought that your whole life - too long for you to ever be like him. But say it did happen, you know how strong Fred is - she survived five years alone in Pylea, for God's sake - she would set you straight, and she wouldn't take any crap from you. You know that, right?"

"I know, but ... I'm just ... scared, I suppose."

"And you don't think all the other new Dads out there are?"

"On his death bed, he told me I'd have children of my own one day, and then I'd know what he felt like. I told him he was talking a load of bollocks, but what if he was right?"

"Pull yourself together, Wes, you know you were right, he *was* talking rubbish. This is going to be a whole new adventure for you and Fred. Enjoy it all!"

Suddenly something seemed to click into place inside Wesley. Everything Angel was saying made sense. This was his wedding night - he should be with his wife, not here moaning about the child he was going to have helped bring into the world. He should be celebrating! He was in completely the wrong place - he had to get back to Fred.

He jumped off the edge of the bed, and ran out of the door, shouting his thanks to Angel. Angel smirked to himself - he was really a very smart guy, but sometimes, he needed a bit of a prod in the right direction.

Wesley knocked gently on the hotel room door before he entered. Cordelia was sitting on the edge of the bed, next to a sleeping Fred. When she spotted Wesley she flashed him an angry look.

"Where have you been?" she hissed, dragging him away from Fred as she spoke. "She thought you weren't coming back." She stared into his eyes angrily for a few seconds longer before she spotted how bloodshot they looked. "Oh, this is great. She's been beside herself, and you've been drinking away, forgetting it all." She sighed. "Look. She wouldn't tell me what the problem was, she just kept telling me to find you. I suggest you go and get washed, and then talk to her. I, however, am going to bed." Cordy took her jacket from the back of a chair, and then walked out of the door without another word.

Wesley took her advice, shrugging off his suit jacket before heading to the bathroom. He splashed his face with water, then turned back to face Fred. He gently lowered himself onto the bed beside her, ignoring his throbbing head, and placed his hand on her shoulder. She looked worn out, her face tearstained, her carefully styled hair hanging loose around her shoulders. Wesley spotted the rose that had held it up lying discarded on the floor. She still wore her wedding dress, and as he studied her sleeping form, he noticed her fingers curled tightly around the one displaying her wedding ring.

"Fred? Fred love, are you awake?" his voice was barely more than a whisper, but she bolted awake at the sound of his voice, and flung her arms around his neck.

"Oh, Wesley - you came back!"

"Of course I came back."

"Where did you go?"

He blushed. "That doesn't matter now. What's important is I'm sorry I left like that, and ... I wanted to say … merry Christmas." He pulled a small package out of his pocket, and handed it to her.

Her eyes lit up as she took the parcel from him. "Oh! I have a gift for you, too. Wait a minute." She leapt up from the bed, and pulled a slender box out of her suitcase before returning to her place on the bed. She eagerly tore at the wrapping on her box, handing Wesley his gift, and indicating for him to do the same. Removing the Christmas paper left her with a small black jewellery box, which she opened carefully. She gasped as she saw the delicate silver bracelet inside, designed to read "Winifred and Wesley" in elegant Celtic lettering. Wesley unwrapped his box. He snapped back the lid to reveal a watch, silver around the edge of the face, the strap black leather.

"Turn it over," she whispered, as she fastened her bracelet onto her wrist. He did so, and immediately spotted the words "Wesley and Winifred" inscribed on the back. He laughed out loud, and gathered Fred up into a huge hug.

"We really are perfect for each other, aren't we?" he laughed, as Fred nodded. "We're going to make a wonderful family." He shifted round to place a hand on her stomach, smiling. "All three of us."



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