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Wrong

By Rach

DISCLAIMER: Yeah … not mine!
PAIRINGS: Connor/Cordy and slight implied Cordy/Angel.
DISTRIBUTION: Shoes & Doughnuts, anywhere else wants it let me know!
SUMMARY: Connor and Angel talk.
TIMELINE: Post “Rain of Fire.”
AUTHOR'S NOTE: For Topaz, Tonya, and the rest of the pervs. Perv power!
RATING: G
FEEDBACK is something I thrive on!

It’s got to be wrong. This can’t be the way it was supposed to happen. They look so happy together, laughing and joking - it’s like she doesn’t even notice how it’s killing me. But I know she does.

I know I should be happy for them. When he was a baby, I’d spend hours wondering what his first date would be like, who he would fall in love with, if she’d be good enough for my son. I never once imagined that Cordelia could be that woman.

But why should I have? He was only a few months old - Cordelia was twenty-one. Of all the things I worried about as a father, whether or not my son would end up in a relationship with the woman I love wasn’t one of them.

Even once he came back, almost a man, I didn’t consider it. I still saw him as my son, a child. The thought never crossed my mind. I was so wrapped up in her myself that I didn’t even notice he was falling for her.

***

Connor looked across the room, into the office. Angel sat at his desk, glancing across at them every now and then, pretending not to be bothered by his relationship with Cordy. It wasn’t working. He let go of Cordelia’s hand, and smiled when she turned to him, frowning.

“I’ll be back in a second,” he muttered, kissing her on the forehead. She smiled at this, and watched as he walked into the office and closed the door behind him.

“Angel?” Angel looked up, and Connor sighed. “Dad?”

“What?”

“This is crazy.” He turned and gestured to where Cordelia sat, laughing with Gunn and Wesley. “This is hurting her so much.”

Angel shrugged, trying to look as if he didn’t care. “She’s made her choice. She wants you, I’ll just have to live with that.”

“For God’s sake, stop feeling so sorry for yourself and look around you. Have you even noticed how Gunn and Wesley are getting along again, even after everything that’s gone on between them?” He smiled. “Wesley still loves Fred, and Gunn knows it. But they both know Wes isn’t going to do anything about it, because he cares too much about Gunn.”

“You’re extremely astute all of a sudden for someone who spent eighteen years of his life in a hell dimension.”

Connor sighed again. “Cordelia’s taught me lot.”

“Look, if you want something in particular, say it. If not, I have work to do.”

“She still loves you.”

That made Angel stop. “How would you know?”

“She’s told me. We talk about everything. She doesn’t treat me like a kid - she treats me like a man, and she talks to me like one. She told me she still loves you. We haven’t got any secrets.”

Angel sat on the edge of her desk. “So if she loves me, how come she’s with you?”

“She’s told you why. It just doesn’t feel right for her any more.” He paused. “I could understand you hating me if she still had no memory. You didn’t know where you stood. But she remembers now, and everything’s changed since the night she disappeared. You have to see that, and accept what she’s told you.”

“Okay.”

“Okay? That’s it?”

“That’s it.” It was Angel’s turn to sigh. “Connor, you have to understand how much I love Cordelia. And if you love her even half as much as you say you do, I think you understand. I know she’s happy with you - I can see it. It’s just not easy for me to just let go of her like that.”

“So you’ll make an effort? I know how much it’s hurting her that you can hardly bear to be in the same room as her. Sometimes I’ll wake up, and she’ll be curled up at the side of the bed, crying. It’s so hard for me to lie there and not be able to really help her. That’s why I knew I had to talk to you. It can’t go on like this.”

“I’ll make an effort. If it means that much to both of you.”

“It does. To her.” Connor stood up to leave, smiling a little. He knew how much it would hurt him to lose Cordelia, so he knew how hard this must be for Angel. But he knew they had to patch things up, for her sake.

****

I watch him as he walks out, part of me angry at the nerve of him, but most of me just surprised. I knew he loved her, but I’d still thought she was something of a trophy to him, to show off in front of me. I was obviously wrong, and knowing how much I’m hurting Cordy is just awful. I’m beginning to realise how selfish I’ve been - if she’s happy, I should be able to accept that.

It’s not that simple, though. Because I can’t get over the fact that my son was - and still is - sleeping with Cordelia. I just can’t shake that nagging feeling inside me. This is wrong, it’s just got to be.

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